She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
