I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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