Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
