Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
