I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
