You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
