Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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