Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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