You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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