and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
