So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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