they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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