When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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