Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
