i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
