Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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