i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
