She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
