I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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