ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
