So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
