I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
