I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
