Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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