Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
