im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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