This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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