it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
