I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
