hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
