He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
