I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
