tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
