yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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