why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
