Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
