How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
