Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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