She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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