I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
