The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
