Umm I'm too high to move.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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