I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
