hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
