I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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