She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You work out of a Hotel?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
