I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
