Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
