So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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