Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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