A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
