I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
