I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
