I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
