there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize