Don't you send me to vm
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
