We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
