she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
