Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
