I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
