It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i drank out of a bidet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
