your parents love me but you hate me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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