he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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