Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
