my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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