no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
