my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize