i jhust puked up my retainher.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
