I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
