She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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