First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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