Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
