I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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